Two good friends graduate college together and both get jobs at the same company. One guy's position is very very demanding and he's putting in like 80 hours a week. His friend's job is quite simple, leaving him a lot of free time.
The busy guy is getting kinda stressed and depressed adjusting to his new job. His buddy says, "Hey man, we should go out and and find some women for the weekend". His friend replies, "I can't, I've gotta work pretty much all weekend". Being a good friend, his buddy reminds him he needs some type of companionship or he'll go crazy. So he buys his friend a whore for the night.
She comes to his apartment and the guy tells her he has a crazy foot fetich. She doesn't mind, as long as she gets paid. So he bangs this girl with his big toe. They finish up, and she leaves.
Well Monday comes around and his big toe is a little red. Wednesday come, and now its a little tender and swollen. By Friday, dude can hardly walk around.
He goes to the Doctor who runs some tests. After a while, doc comes in and says, "I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, but you have gonorrhea of the foot." The guy replies, "Man that sounds strange, I've never heard of such a thing". The doctor replies, "You ain't seen nothing, yesterday I had a girl in here with Athlete's Snatch".
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Re: Tell A Joke!!!!
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor that no matter where she touches herself it hurts. He says okay, lets do an examination! He asks her to point out where her pain is. She touches her neck and screams in pain...she touches her arm and she screams in pain...she touches her leg and she screams in pain! The doctor says, I know what's wrong with you! That's great replies the blonde, what is it? Your finger is broken!
A guy reluctantly goes in to see the doctor. The first thing he does when he finally sees the doctor is ask him not to laugh no matter what. Now the doctor being a doctor is rather confident that this would not be an issue and assuringly tells the man so. The doctor was able to keep his composure as the man told him that he was having an issue down there and it was rather embarrassing. "No problem" says the doc, "I've seen it all before" he assures the patient. The patient then drops his pants and his undies next. Now the doc who was being so composed was now faced to witness a penis the size of a AAA battery. Unfortunately this was just too much for him and he let loose a little snicker. The patient angrily says "I thought I asked you not to laugh, no matter what, this is why I have soo much trouble coming in here in the first place, everybody is so mean." "Sorry, sorry" the doctor exclaims, "How terribly rude of me, from here on out I swear not to laugh............now what seems to be the problem." "It's swollen" the man says.
A thoughtful wife is out shopping for a gift for her husband. It is their 20 anniversary and every year she tries to outdo herself. Just about the time she had given up all hope of finding that one gift that would make last year's pale in comparison she happened upon a stranger in an alley. The man says "You look like you are looking for something, is there anything I can help you with?" She explains her situation and how she feels she won't find that perfect gift this year. "Well maam, it just so happens I have the perfect gift for you." "What could you possibly have?"she askes, "Why I happen to own a frog that gives bj's" "WHAT?" she asks. 'Yes it's a frog that has been trained to give the best bj's and best of all it does it whenever and as often as you'd like "the man said with certainty. The price was rather steep but if this frog was half of what the man said it was then this was going to be the best gift ever. So the woman purchased the frog and after reading the truck stop card her husband got her giggled as she handed him his present. The man opens a box to see a frog staring up at him. " What the heck is this? a frog? you got me a frog?" "Wait, wait it's not what you think. This frog gives bj's. Supposed to be real good at it and does em whenever you want". Later that night the wife was woken up from a sound sleep to the sound of breaking glass from downstairs. She goes downstairs into the kitchen to see broken plates and cups all over the floor and her husband holding the frog over the sink. "What in the world are you doing?" she hollered. "As soon as I teach this frog to do the dishes you're outta here!"
A guy stolls up to the bar, takes a seat and pulls out a tiny piano and sets it up on the bar. The bartender watches as the man continues to pull out a tiny bench and sets it in front of the tiny piano. Now before the bartender can ask any questions the man pulls out a tiny man and sets him on the bench. Now absolutely bewildered the bartender gazes as the tiny man starts to play the piano. Immediately the bartender rushes over to investigate. "What is this, is this for real or did you get this somewhere?" "I assure it is all real friend, quite amazing isn't it? "But how?" the bartender asks. "Simple the man says I have a magic rock in my pocket that grants wishes". "Get outta her with that noise" the bartender says. "Do you not see the proof in front of you?" the man askes. "If you want you are more than welcome to try it yourself". What harm could it do to try the bartender thought to himself as says "Sure, hand it over, what do I do?" "Simple" the man says "All you have to do is hold the rock tightly in your hands and whatever wish you make in your head the rock will grant immediately" The man hands over the rock to the bartender and the bartender holds the rock firmly, closes his eyes and almost instantaniously the bar is overwelmed with quaking ducks. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!" the bartender yells "I WISHED FOR A MILLION BUCKS!" The man sitting at the bar snickers and says " I know, I know, do you think I actually wished for a 12 inch pianist."
For the love of Pete........How am I supposed to learn some new jokes if noone is adding to this thread..........Oh well if I must.........I will post two lame jokes just to keep this thread on life support
3 priests and some children are out boating in a lake. This was a fishing trip so naturally the best spot was in the middle. Miles from any shoreline the boat suddenly sprang a leak. Priest #1 says- "SAVE THE CHILDREN" at this time everyone is panicking about the situation when priest #2 says "**** THE CHILDREN!!" now after hearing this everyone is in a state of absolute panic towards the situation.......calmly priest #3 asks "Is there time?"
A garage mechanic for the last 15 years is somewhat jaded over his compensation for his skills. One day at the shop he happened to glance over and recognize a patron waiting for his vehicle to be repaired. This patron happened to be none other than a world renowned heart surgeon. The mechanic wasn't working on the doctor's vehicle but waved him over into the shop anyways. When the doctor approched the mechanic, who was busy working on a motorcycle, the mechanic says "You know what there mister millionaire, I can take this engine apart, take the valves out, put in new seals and gaskets, put it all back together and it will run like new.................now how come I don't get paid them fancy big dollars like you doctor folk do, when what I do is essentially the same?" The surgeon not missing a beat kneels down next to the busy mechanic, puts a hand on his shoulder and says "Try doing all that while the motor is still running"
i got 3 ok here it is
1. 3 lads called f**k off manners and shit are riding there bikes down the road shit falls off his bike and grazes his knee manners jups off to take a look at it f**k off rides into a police man and says "sir sir my friends just fallen off his bike" police man says"whats your name boy" boy replys"f**k off police says "what" boy says again"f**k off" police rep-lys "wheres your manners?" boy replies "down the road picking shit up"
joke 2.3 lads called piss,zip and d**k are hiding from the teacher in the libary piss hides under the table d**k hides in the cupboard and zip hides on top of the table so the teacher goes zip down d**k out and piss in the corner
joke3. child says"miss miss can i have a lolly?" teacher replys to kid ok if you answer my question tomorrow so he goes home and sleeps in the morning he goes to the shop and buys some annaseed balls in class he opens the puts one in his mouth teacher goes "question time" child spits annaseed balls on teachers board teacher goes "whos got black balls?" child goes "50 cent miss can i have a lolly?"
a computer geek gets sent to prison for hacking. he gets thrown into a jail cell with a big black guy. the big black guy asks the nerd "what do you wanna be? the man or the wife?" the nerd was nervous to answer but he said "ill be the man".. the black guy says "ok, now get over here and suck your wifes dik"
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